My plan was to violate a social norm near and dear to my heart, that of personal space. I am very fond of my imaginary bubble and get very distressed whenever someone invades my imaginary boundaries. As I began planning my experiment I was confronted by the reality that I would have to do what I hate. I hate being close to strangers and this experiment was going to force me to face that fear. So, I thought about where I would be uncomfortable and how I could fashion an experiment based on my discomfort. I decided to use the school elevator and the school cafeteria as my locations. In the elevator, the plan was that when I was on with only one other person I would stand extremely close to them for no apparent reason. Next, in the cafeteria the plan was that I would sit at a table with a stranger when there were several empty tables available.
Stage 1: The Elevator. I tried this three times. First, I rode with an extremely tall guy that looked utterly dismayed. I got on the elevator after him and stood very close to him. I asked him to push “5” and stared at him without saying word the entire ride. It was a painful silence he kept looking down at me wondering what my problem was and looked relieved when the elevator doors opened. The second time, I rode with a woman who freaked out at me. She took all of one second to ask me what my problem was and if I would move over. And not a second later she had her phone out and she was texting like crazy. I feel comfortable assuming that someone was getting eyeful about this woman’s horrible elevator experience. The final elevator ride was with another woman who just kept stepping backwards until she was up against the back wall of the elevator. She never said a word, but she was interesting because I could sense her discomfort. It was almost like in an unspoken way she was trying to tell me to “back off,” but in the interest of my experiment I resisted.
Stage 2: The Cafeteria. Here I found my target, a woman alone at a table with all her stuff out and I went and asked her if I could sit with her. Her facial expression was priceless because she looked around the room at all the empty tables before looking at me and saying, “uh…ok.” So I sat down took out a binder, my laptop, started flipping through pages and eventually she left. What I loved was that she started packing up and told me she had class, which a little while later I left the cafeteria and found her at a table in the hall. She pretended not to see me. I thought it was interesting that she would rather pack all her stuff, lie, and move before she would say that she did not want me to sit with her at the table.
What fascinated me the most about this project was not other people’s reactions, but my own fears and reactions to breaking a social norm. My stomach was in knots before each experiment. There were moments were I did not want to go through with it. I kept thinking, “Hey all you have to do is stand close to someone. You are really making a big deal out of this.” But I could not seem to be rational. I kept thinking about what this person would think of me and how he or she may react. That was when it dawned on me how entrenched this “rule” was in my psyche. I think it has a lot to do with how and where I grew up, in a small town with a lot of open area. However, I also saw that once you learn these rules it is very hard to break them. At least for me, I realized that the social norms I chose to adopt have become my comfort zone and it was difficult to consciously step outside of where I am comfortable. It sounds silly, but before each experiment I had to take a deep breath and tell myself it was going to be ok- like what did I think was going to happen – the social police were going to come and arrest me?
From this experience I learned that there is nothing wrong with liking personal space. However, it is also important to realize that it is only a social norm and not everyone shares my aversion to the idea of sharing a table with a stranger
Stage 1: The Elevator. I tried this three times. First, I rode with an extremely tall guy that looked utterly dismayed. I got on the elevator after him and stood very close to him. I asked him to push “5” and stared at him without saying word the entire ride. It was a painful silence he kept looking down at me wondering what my problem was and looked relieved when the elevator doors opened. The second time, I rode with a woman who freaked out at me. She took all of one second to ask me what my problem was and if I would move over. And not a second later she had her phone out and she was texting like crazy. I feel comfortable assuming that someone was getting eyeful about this woman’s horrible elevator experience. The final elevator ride was with another woman who just kept stepping backwards until she was up against the back wall of the elevator. She never said a word, but she was interesting because I could sense her discomfort. It was almost like in an unspoken way she was trying to tell me to “back off,” but in the interest of my experiment I resisted.
Stage 2: The Cafeteria. Here I found my target, a woman alone at a table with all her stuff out and I went and asked her if I could sit with her. Her facial expression was priceless because she looked around the room at all the empty tables before looking at me and saying, “uh…ok.” So I sat down took out a binder, my laptop, started flipping through pages and eventually she left. What I loved was that she started packing up and told me she had class, which a little while later I left the cafeteria and found her at a table in the hall. She pretended not to see me. I thought it was interesting that she would rather pack all her stuff, lie, and move before she would say that she did not want me to sit with her at the table.
What fascinated me the most about this project was not other people’s reactions, but my own fears and reactions to breaking a social norm. My stomach was in knots before each experiment. There were moments were I did not want to go through with it. I kept thinking, “Hey all you have to do is stand close to someone. You are really making a big deal out of this.” But I could not seem to be rational. I kept thinking about what this person would think of me and how he or she may react. That was when it dawned on me how entrenched this “rule” was in my psyche. I think it has a lot to do with how and where I grew up, in a small town with a lot of open area. However, I also saw that once you learn these rules it is very hard to break them. At least for me, I realized that the social norms I chose to adopt have become my comfort zone and it was difficult to consciously step outside of where I am comfortable. It sounds silly, but before each experiment I had to take a deep breath and tell myself it was going to be ok- like what did I think was going to happen – the social police were going to come and arrest me?
From this experience I learned that there is nothing wrong with liking personal space. However, it is also important to realize that it is only a social norm and not everyone shares my aversion to the idea of sharing a table with a stranger
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