Barefoot on the street

Doing norm violation task was definitely a character building technique to me. To be a great leader, we should be able to do something like this once in a while. No one can be successful in any field, any profession, if he/she is afraid to be different. This activity tests this ability. Also, it helps one to understand why some people act the way they do. Often, they act in a certain peculiar way to attract more attention to themselves, or the opposite – they might be so obsessed to appear average, that they attempt to dissipate one deviant action by doing another one.

When I found out for the first time that part of our course requirement was to conduct a norm violation exercise, I began to panic. For several days I had no idea what type of activity I could do. Then, I talked to my younger sister. Her ideas were endless: talking loudly in the movie theater (which we do attend quite often) while chewing on Fries bought at Arby’s downstairs; not leaving a tip (which I should have done a few days prior, after receiving miserable customer service); giving an overly vigorous handshake to someone you just met; greeting your new acquaintance by kissing them on a cheek, instead of providing a simple handshake; and of course, a “hard to beat” number –walking into the men’s bathroom. Although, all of those techniques seemed to be applicable, I had a strong hesitation doing any of them. Walking into the men’s bathroom scared me the most. My girlfriends used to do this when we had a night out, but I could do this neither now nor then. I guess crossing that line of respect is a big issue for me. I do respect a man’s privacy and walking into their bathroom, I believe, is degrading to them. Therefore, I decided that whatever I do would be something non-humiliating and non-disrespectful for other people. Something that would not seem outrageous to me.


What an effect brought on me just thinking about this exercise! All of my actions, during those few days, seemed to have been guided by the “deviant” thoughts. While shopping at Wegmans with my sister, I wanted to laugh loudly (which I did), and point at people with my finger (which I did). Riding on a shopping cart in the parking lot (which I have not done in years), while screaming, gave me a pretty awesome feeling also. I was truly happy to be a person without complexes. Although those actions were somewhat unusual, they were not making any type of a statement. Then, on our way out, it began to rain. It rained pretty hard, and no customers attempted to come out from under the canopy. I looked at my sister and she looked at me, and at that moment we both became possessed with that feeling of complete freedom from socially imposed boundaries. We read each other’s mind and ran out into the pouring rain, yelling: “Run for your life!” We had about 7 bags of groceries, which were holding our freedom back a bit. Almost when I reached my car, I realized that my sister was not anywhere close. I looked back onto the parking lot and saw my little sister standing under the rain with her torn shoe, still tied to her ankle, in her soaking wet clothes and droopy hair. Well, that was a picture for a comedian to describe.

After this “run for your life” incident, I began looking back at my previous actions. A few weeks ago, I was in Armory Square, downtown Syracuse. The day began as a pretty nice Saturday, but by the time I parked my car, it began to sprinkle. I had to be somewhere, but having a really cute pair of shoes on, I was indecisive. It was either testing a durability of my pretty shoes, or walk in bear feet. Armory Square is a popular place to begin with, plus it was a lunch hour... Although I would not mind taking my shoes off in some places (for example, my classroom), doing it in a very populated place was different. I saw several people still sitting outside, under the canopy next to Blue Tusk, having lunch and drinks; some men were walking on the sidewalk. Being a huge shoe lover, I chose the second option. I walked, bear feet, on the sidewalk for a good third of a mile before I reached my destination (I had to do same thing on my way back!). Most of the people I saw were men, so that made me feel even more uncomfortable. When I passed by, they gazed at me, like they would gaze at a person who is dancing in a crowded bar, while everyone else around is standing still. They kept looking at me with wonder, first at my feet, then at my face and then back at my feet. It was almost like a stare (where were their manners?). I tried to keep myself looking "cool" as much as possible: shoulders back, head up, relaxed eyes...as if I was taking my usual afternoon stroll.

While this experience was somewhat embarrassing, I felt like I was doing the very right thing. I was protecting my property by ignoring social etiquette. And yes, it felt very good afterwards, when I finally reached my car and shut the door. Although it is difficult and unpleasant to perform something out of the ordinary, I find such an act to be stimulating and a great confidence booster!

I guess, after all, I am capable of doing some unordinary things, on my own will, and boy – it feels so good! Oohlala!

Two of a Kind

For my norm violation, I attended church with a fellow classmate. My classmate and I, who are both heterosexual, acted as though we were a homosexual couple who wanted to incorporate religion into our lives. My classmate chose a Lutheran church for us to attend, because she had been raised in the traditions of that faith and she was familiar with their practices. The church that we attended had a very small congregation and was located in Canastota, New York.

While my classmate and I were driving to Canastota, we discussed our plan. We decided that we would hold hands as we entered the church, give subtle cues that we were in a relationship during the service, and then again hold hands as we exited. We also created our story just in case anyone asked. We decided that we had been together for seven years, and that both of us were originally from Kansas, but had moved to Syracuse to attend law school.

After we had our story down, I began thinking about all the possible reactions we could encounter during the services. My primary concern was not offending the members of the congregation. The thought of offending someone was almost enough to deter me from following through with the experiment. However, I chose to go forward because I had never let the possibility of offending others deter me in my ordinary life.

Once we arrived at the church the adrenaline began flowing and we walked into the church holding hands. The service had already started, and when we entered two men handed us hymn books, but because we entered in a hurry I did not have time to see how they reacted to us holding hands. Once we made our way to a pew and began singing the hymn, I noticed that each of us was shaking like a leaf.

As the service continued I found myself beginning to relax and I was able to look around and see how people were reacting to our subtle cues. The biggest reaction came from the teenage boys sitting across the aisle. The boys kept looking at us and snickering and then turning away when I made eye contact with them. Just as I was settling in and beginning to observe the congregation's reactions, the pastor began to prepare the communion. At seeing this, my mind began to race because not only was I pretending to be homosexual, but I was also trying to pretend like I knew what I was doing in a church. I was not raised in a religious family, and somehow before I knew what was happening, I found my self kneeling at the altar receiving a blessing from the pastor. Suddenly my norm violation had shifted from attending church as a homosexual, to being the only person in the room who had never been baptized. For the remainder of the service, I tried to decide which made me feel like more of an outsider: pretending to be homosexual, or never having been baptized.

In reflecting on my norm violation, what struck me most was the congregation's general refusal to even accept as a possibility that my classmate and I could be in a homosexual relationship. Although the congregation was extremely friendly and very welcoming, I felt an unspoken pressure to conform to the church's norms. I knew that their faith did not accept homosexuality, and because I knew this, I could not help but feel uncomfortable because I was pretending to be that which they viewed as sinful and wrong. After completing this experiment, I really cannot imagine the conflicting feelings that homosexuals must feel when attempting to incorporate organized religion into their lives.

Put Your Left Hand In And Shake It All About

The handshake is a custom adopted by many cultures, with only slight variations. Handshakes are so common, that they have become habitual under certain circumstances. Introductions, familiar greetings and goodbyes, and the close of business meetings all require handshakes. Further, handshakes are a common part of signs of thanks, peace, or congratulations. My favorite of the varying stories of the origin of the handshake is that the Romans were instructed to shake with the right hand because that was more often the dominant hand used for wielding a weapon. This could show trust between the parties, however, Julius Caesar was left handed. Possibly he wanted to have his dominant hand free to grab his sword.

Slapping five, fist pounding, or secret handshakes are common variations on the more traditional handshake. Straying from the customary handshake is often a norm violation. We have all experienced a “clammy hand” handshake, a “wet hand” handshake, an “icy hand” handshake, or the dreaded “dead fish” handshake. There are other norm violations as well, such as shaking with the left hand.

What happens if a person has an injured right hand or their right hand is otherwise occupied? In these situations it is acceptable for the person to shake with the left hand. However, why can we not shake with the left without some justifiable reason? Boy Scouts shake with their left hands. Common reasons cited are that the left hand is closer to the heart, or that the left hand was traditionally the shield hand and shaking with the left shows there are no defenses up between the parties.

As a norm violation, I attempted to shake hands with my left hand as often as possible. I did not have a cast, several grocery bags, or a Boy Scout uniform on (which would have been an interesting study as well), so the left handed hand shake was clearly a violation of a societal norm.

Prior to offering the left hand I was sometimes nervous about the judgment I would receive from the other party. I was embarrassed to offer my left hand to professionals or elders especially. However, strangers and my peers did not provide any discomfort at all. During the left handed hand shakes, the fear and embarrassment washed away. Occasionally there were awkward moments. An older, professional still gave me his right hand so that my palm was on the outside of his hand. Also, a few people had to switch back and forth between left and right (as if they were dancing the robot) before settling on the left hand. Most people however seemed to quickly identify that I had extended my left hand and they followed suit. After the handshake, I was no longer nervous or embarrassed. I don’t think any of my subjects were overly upset, some were confused, and a few slightly embarrassed for the awkwardness. Only my friends made a comment about me using my left hand.

I sometimes found the experiment hard to perform. Handshakes are almost a reflex. If the other party extended his hand first I always extended my right hand before I had time to think about my left. Also, that habit of offering my right hand was hard to break. There were several opportunities where I already extended my right hand and merely forgot about trying to use my left. On one occasion, I admit, I consciously refused to use my left. I was afraid to offer my left hand when I said goodbye and thank you to my friend’s father, after he had me to his camp for the weekend. I knew he would question my reason, and was too embarrassed to explain to him why I had used my left.

Annoying Cell Phone Talker

While thinking of a norm violation to perform I thought about all of my personal pet peeves. My first idea was to “close talk” every person I encountered for an entire day, but I soon realized that having too many friends guilty of this peeve, few people would notice the violation. Instead I went a different route and decided I would have a full phone conversation in the middle of a movie. Personally I freak out when people text or talk amongst themselves in a theater, so talking on a cell phone ought to elicit a strong reaction.
In preparation for my violation, I targeted a movie theater I would never visit again, especially if my norm violation would lead to me getting kicked out. Therefore, because of the large amounts of people at carousel mall and the frequency I watch movies there, I automatically ruled out Oversized Metropolitan Mall. Instead, I choose the Regal Theaters in Poor Excuse of a Mall. Although I was not thrilled with the theater being located below the ground level, just in case I needed a quick escape, I figured it was the better of two evils.
In the early evening on Saturday, I went to Poor Excuse of a Mall and purchased a ticket to see the “Heartbreak Kid.” I strolled into the movie a couple of minutes after the scheduled start, providing me with cover from the darkness of the previews. The theater itself was normal sized, and was 2/3 to ¾ full. Once the movie started, I anxiously sat there gripping my cell phone, waiting for the call. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, Jay-Z “Encore” started playing on my phone and the fun began.
“What’s up bro” were the first words uttered from my mouth, and were met with a loud “shhh” from several members of the audience. When it became apparent that I was not finished with my conversation, the reaction of the members in the audience went from annoyed to pissed. After a smattering of “shut ups” and “get off the phone,” the person in the row behind mine leaned over towards me. I pressed the cell phone against my chest and asked if I could help her. She then asked me to hang up the phone, to which I countered that it was an important phone call that I needed to answer. To this she responded, “go outside then.” I waited for a second, then placed the phone back up to my ear and asked my friend what bar we were going to tonight.
At this point in time I felt the death rays in the back of my head and decided it was time to leave the theater. I hurried down the stairs, and hustled out the theater and mall before the Regal ushers could stop me.
Performing the norm violation was exhilarating, because for a couple of minutes I became the person I despise in the theaters. After performing the violation, it puzzled me how people could whip out their cell phone and answer it in the middle of a crowded theater. I further realized how inconsiderate my act was, and I may hit the next time I go to the movies and a person talks out loud or on their phone I will hit them.

Space Invader

My plan was to violate a social norm near and dear to my heart, that of personal space. I am very fond of my imaginary bubble and get very distressed whenever someone invades my imaginary boundaries. As I began planning my experiment I was confronted by the reality that I would have to do what I hate. I hate being close to strangers and this experiment was going to force me to face that fear. So, I thought about where I would be uncomfortable and how I could fashion an experiment based on my discomfort. I decided to use the school elevator and the school cafeteria as my locations. In the elevator, the plan was that when I was on with only one other person I would stand extremely close to them for no apparent reason. Next, in the cafeteria the plan was that I would sit at a table with a stranger when there were several empty tables available.

Stage 1: The Elevator. I tried this three times. First, I rode with an extremely tall guy that looked utterly dismayed. I got on the elevator after him and stood very close to him. I asked him to push “5” and stared at him without saying word the entire ride. It was a painful silence he kept looking down at me wondering what my problem was and looked relieved when the elevator doors opened. The second time, I rode with a woman who freaked out at me. She took all of one second to ask me what my problem was and if I would move over. And not a second later she had her phone out and she was texting like crazy. I feel comfortable assuming that someone was getting eyeful about this woman’s horrible elevator experience. The final elevator ride was with another woman who just kept stepping backwards until she was up against the back wall of the elevator. She never said a word, but she was interesting because I could sense her discomfort. It was almost like in an unspoken way she was trying to tell me to “back off,” but in the interest of my experiment I resisted.

Stage 2: The Cafeteria. Here I found my target, a woman alone at a table with all her stuff out and I went and asked her if I could sit with her. Her facial expression was priceless because she looked around the room at all the empty tables before looking at me and saying, “uh…ok.” So I sat down took out a binder, my laptop, started flipping through pages and eventually she left. What I loved was that she started packing up and told me she had class, which a little while later I left the cafeteria and found her at a table in the hall. She pretended not to see me. I thought it was interesting that she would rather pack all her stuff, lie, and move before she would say that she did not want me to sit with her at the table.

What fascinated me the most about this project was not other people’s reactions, but my own fears and reactions to breaking a social norm. My stomach was in knots before each experiment. There were moments were I did not want to go through with it. I kept thinking, “Hey all you have to do is stand close to someone. You are really making a big deal out of this.” But I could not seem to be rational. I kept thinking about what this person would think of me and how he or she may react. That was when it dawned on me how entrenched this “rule” was in my psyche. I think it has a lot to do with how and where I grew up, in a small town with a lot of open area. However, I also saw that once you learn these rules it is very hard to break them. At least for me, I realized that the social norms I chose to adopt have become my comfort zone and it was difficult to consciously step outside of where I am comfortable. It sounds silly, but before each experiment I had to take a deep breath and tell myself it was going to be ok- like what did I think was going to happen – the social police were going to come and arrest me?

From this experience I learned that there is nothing wrong with liking personal space. However, it is also important to realize that it is only a social norm and not everyone shares my aversion to the idea of sharing a table with a stranger

Straying from the "Straight" and Narrow

For the purposes of this assignment, my classmate and I decided we would go to a Missouri Synod Lutheran church as a lesbian couple. We are both heterosexual females in long-term relationships, so this was by no means a commonplace occurrence in our day-to-day lives. So, how did we pull off the illusion of being a homosexual couple in church? We decided we would only engage in behavior that would not be considered inappropriate if engaged in by a heterosexual couple in that setting--we walked in holding hands, I put my arm around the back of her pew when we were seated, we tilted our heads toward one another, she placed her hand on the small of my back when we were standing, and when we were waiting in the receiving line at the end of the service, she ran her fingers up and down my back. The only time we verbally alluded to the fact that we were a couple was when the pastor asked my classmate why she was not baptized. After she explained her family background, I added, “[w]e are really trying to incorporate faith into our relationship. We are looking at different churches until we find a home congregation, and then we will have her baptized.” I saw his eyes flicker with mild surprise when I mentioned “our relationship,” but his smile never changed, and he simply reminded us to “keep Christ at the forefront” of whatever we did.

The Lutheran Church Missouri Synod has published a pamphlet entitled “What About Homosexuality?” which details its interpretation of the Bible’s views on homosexuality and talks about how one should deal with a person engaged in this particular “sin.” Specifically, it states “‘God is presenting to the Church a great challenge and opportunity. We can proclaim the Word of God in a clear and fresh manner. We can offer new hope to sinners whom God loves. We can apply the Means of Grace to another area of human need, so that sins can be forgiven and the Spirit’s power employed to create new life in Christ.'" (http://www.lcms.org/graphics/assets/media/LCMS/wa_homosexuality.pdf) With these words in mind, and recalling my own past experiences with this particular branch of Christianity, I did not expect that we would be in danger or even verbally berated. I predicted that if anyone was bold enough to inquire about or mention our status as a couple, it would be done delicately.

My predictions were largely correct. When we entered the church, the usher asked us if we were looking for someone, but once I told him we were there to worship, he quickly handed us hymnals and a bulletin (although he did hand us the previous week’s bulletin in his haste). There were only 25-30 people attending the service, so we were in plain view of everyone present, and the pastor made a point to welcome us in the middle of the service, so there is no possibility that people did not notice us. I observed a lot of sideways stares from the congregants directed our way throughout the service. At one point, a woman took a pen and wrote a note to her husband on the bulletin, who then performed a stretch that allowed him to glance backwards at us. We also seemed to be greatly amusing to the teenage boys who were sitting in the pew across from us, for they kept stealing glances at us and giggling throughout the service. After the service, almost every person who passed us said “Welcome,” but no one stopped to learn our names or find out anything about us.

For all of the logical predicting I did regarding other people’s reactions, however, I never once imagined how nervous I would be once we actually did this. My hands were trembling, my stomach was flipping, and the whole first half-hour I was there, one pervasive thought was screaming in my head—“I hate this! I want to go home!” As time passed, the physiological symptoms of nervousness faded, but I was never completely at ease with my role. I know myself well enough to know that I was uncomfortable because I was very aware that I was doing something that would draw attention to me, and I am definitely a girl who prefers to blend into the background. I was entirely out of my comfort zone, not because I was pretending to be gay, but because I was different from everyone else. If I had been doing a project that required us to pose as a homosexual couple at a church filled with other homosexual couples, I know I would not have been nervous at all.

However, that detail illustrates the most poignant lesson I learned from this project. The fact that I am uncomfortable drawing attention to myself in a crowd of people is not a trait solely reserved for heterosexual people. I am struck by how grossly unfair it is to homosexuals, with personality traits similar to mine, who may wish to attend a house of worship with their significant other, to have to endure being stared at and snickered at during an hour-long service. If a heterosexual, unmarried couple attended a new church, it is hard to imagine that anyone would give a second thought if they walked in holding hands or sat a little nearer to each other than mere acquaintances. Even though nothing blatantly confrontational occurred, nothing blatantly accepting happened either, and that uncomfortable fact alone may be enough to discourage homosexual couples from attending houses of worship.

I have always known that homosexuals are treated differently in our society, but now I know it is not something you can truly know until you have felt what “different” feels like. It was not a good feeling, and it saddens me to know that some people have to either experience that kind of discomfort on an everyday basis or regularly modify their behavior so that they will not be singled out of the crowd.

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More Comfortable in the Back

You're in the backseat of a car. The front-seat passenger gets out. Convention has you move from the back to the front. But suppose you didn't?

The inspiration for my norm violation came from HBO’s Curb Your Enthusiasm with Larry David (a television show, moreover, that practically defines, or re-defines, what a norm violation is). Going into this past weekend, I was not sure if I could violate the norm because the situation had to be perfect. Fortunately, I found myself in a situation where I could violate the social expectancy. I choose the term “social expectancy” carefully because I believe it best defines what a “norm” actually is – a behavior that society, for whatever reason, expects its citizens to follow. This experiment attempts to define the reasoning behind society’s expectation.

I was in the backseat of a car on Friday night. In the passenger seat was a friend of mine who I met this summer (a recent graduate of the law school). The driver was someone I had just met that night - my friend’s friend. He was dropping us off at our respective homes after a night downtown. Because my friend, in the passenger seat, lived closer than I did, he was dropped off first. This is where the norm violation occurred.

I refused to get into the front seat. Typically, in such a situation, and especially when the driver is someone you hardly know, conventional wisdom tells you to get out of the car and sit in the front seat. Otherwise, you would be riding around as if you were a passenger in a taxi. I refused to follow this social expectancy. The driver asked me to get into the front seat. I politely declined, saying I was comfortable where I was. He asked me again, “dude, just get in the front seat.” Once again, I refused. The driver responded by mumbling some curse words under his breath. We rode the rest of the way, a good ten-fifteen minutes, in silence. I graciously thanked him when he dropped me off.

Why is this an uncomfortable situation? From the perspective of the driver, it may show a lack of respect; his car is neither a taxi nor is the passenger some sort of dignitary. Maybe it is politeness that causes the passenger to sit in the front seat, to avoid making the driver feel uncomfortable. But why go through all the movement of getting in the front seat? Why can’t I stay where I am the most comfortable? What societal force is making the passenger move?

In retrospect, I felt pretty bad about what I did. When I first thought of the idea, I thought it was amusing and that I could conduct the experiment without a problem. I went through with the experiment without a hitch, but I felt bad because I was essentially being both rude and lazy. I would be livid if the roles were reversed. The experiment got me thinking about why people chose to conform to societal expectations. In essence, we conform because it is easier than the alternative. In my situation, it is so much easier to just move into the front seat than feel bad about being rude and dealing with the repercussions.